is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
