My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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