Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize