We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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