Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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