I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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