the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize