you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
