i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
