So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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