Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize