She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
