trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize