Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
