and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
