guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize