Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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