tonight lets celebrate not being married
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
