anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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