My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize