Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
