: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
