Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
