I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
