I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
