a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
