Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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