if you like me you must not know who I am
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize