ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
