I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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