I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
