You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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