wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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