So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
