Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
