I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
