Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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