How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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