no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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