he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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