She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
