There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
foreskin is a definite game changer
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
