I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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