I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
