Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
