I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
