ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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