I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
