Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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