Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
