i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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