TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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