You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
