I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
