Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
