Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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