yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
