Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
