I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
