go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize