we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
