is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
