On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
