he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were trust falling into bushes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
