Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
